nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
