my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
