just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
