The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
cat food counts as protein by the way
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
