i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
