OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
