Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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