Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Randomize
