I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
