so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
