so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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