There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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