pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
His hands were made for my vagina.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
