and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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