guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
