What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
