Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
