Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
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