grandma shit on top of the toilet
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Randomize
