she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
