my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
