are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
