....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
