so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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