it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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