I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
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