Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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