I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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