did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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