Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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