i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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