Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
