The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
My vagina just recognized that song.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
