he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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