if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
