I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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