Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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