wat bout pragnant strippers??
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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