wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I intend to get homeless drunk
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
