Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
