I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize