Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize