just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
