I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
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