i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
