Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Randomize
