In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
