If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
