I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
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