We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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