Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
