Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Drake has all the answers
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
