he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I have so many feelings about this burrito
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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