so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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