I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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