he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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