How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
