is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
