did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
