Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
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