Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
