Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
