Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
