I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
