everyone is single if you try hard enough
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I think I sprained my soul last night
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
