I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
