Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
