The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
