Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
So here I am, sexting at work.
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