I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I pour the whiskey from now on
I wear drunk well.
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