At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
